I lost my cool .. Mr Anger, you win.

I lost my temper this afternoon and I blasted that fellow on the other line for showing no respect to an Elder like me. The type of temper which I encountered this afternoon is a bit strange. My temperament was even and stable but I raise my voice and cut that fellow short.  I did not waste time on him but just cut him short by refusing to talk to him anymore. This is the second time that I have this strange feeling. I was able to cut short the argument and cool down fast.

The  last time was on New Year's day at Gurney Plaza.  I was queuing up to pay for my new shirts and until my turn, my wife have yet to finish her selection and I apologized to the next two person and requested them to go ahead to pay for their purchases.  Behind me was a middle aged lady, she looked unhappy with my movement. I ignored her but a few minutes later, her son came and asked her why she allowed me to jump queue. I try to explain to him that I did not jump queue but merely switch with the other two person.  I speak to him in English but he asked me to speak to him in Mandarin. It is not a problem to speak in Mandarin but from the look on his face, I know he is teasing me or "play play" with me. I maybe wrong to assume that he can understand English  but the percentage of not understanding English is very low if he is a young man in his early twenties.  I just cut him short and  refused to talk to him. Period. That was the first time, I have this strange feeling of switching myself off  logically.

I noticed the change in me. In my younger days, I was a fighter and never back down from a fight even if I am at a disadvantage.  I stand firm but lately, I noticed my strange behaviour by backing off from any further argument and entanglement.  I feel like I am losing the steam or power to confront. It seems wasteful and tired. I think this re-action is because of age. This is what people called "mellowing". Old bird must return to its old nest.

For good or bad, I do not know but definitely, I could feel the change. At work , I start to hate confrontation and I hate it when I am drag into some dispute. I just want to do my job peacefully and use what I have got to contribute to something creative and beneficial to the next generation. I do not understand why people can carry out so much office politics or plot agenda to avoid work or to attack their adversary. I just want  to stay away from such skirmish rhetoric person. These people upset my stomach. People who can reveal our confidential discussion just to project themselves better. What a horrible fellow.

I am sharing this experience with you that a person will change with time and we keep evolving . Nothing is static.  Round and round, we go again with the changes. We have to be prepared and move with the changes, accepting and understand the changes and manage it well to bring good health and bliss to our mind and body.  I hope my change is for the better and so is your change.

Namaste.