To my friend. S2. Today is your big day and you must be excited. By now, you will be dressed up and your relatives and friends is gathering in your home in Klang. Your heart will be filled with excitement and uncertainty. The excitement because you will be the star of the occasion and you will be making a lot of people around you happy. However, you will have a slight feeling of uncertainty as the back of your heart as you do not know what the future will bring since both of you will be distant husband and wife after your marriage as both of you are working in different countries.
There is a Chinese saying " it is good to see each other but living together will be difficult " or " the days will passed and you will see the true heart" . These words are not to frighten you but to prepare you to see the reality. Maybe, the element of " absence make the heart fonder" will balance the clash of the true colors. Yes, like I say before ,there is such a thing as love at first sight and the relationship remained rock solid after that. There are relationships which matured over a period of time and end in marriage and there are long term relationship which lasted for 10 years like your case and finally, ended in marriage. Such long term relationship could have collapse easily but your decision to marriage could have save the relationship. Many other people are not so lucky. I have several friends which have this type of long term relationships and they have mixed results.
I am still in Bangladesh at this moment and I am sorry that I cannot be present at your wedding. However, I have promised you a gift from back water country. I hope your best pals are there for you and make your occasion a memorable one.
As a friendly advise, to make the chemistry work. It takes a lot of hard work, patience and understanding. There are several phase in the relationship. First phase is period of knowing each other , second phase is becoming friends and the third phase is getting married. The first two phases are wonderful experiences where both of you will do a lot of things for each other and there is a lot of understanding and tolerance. When you move into the third phase, you must be prepared to accept the maturity phase where love will turn into care. The passions will subside and the caring will take over. There will be occasions of disagreement and heated argument and take these occasions as the joy of a family life, Please do not expect the intensity of the love to last forever as it will fluctuate like the Malaysian stock exchange. One moment on a high note and the next moment, there is a terrible argument. Be contented in life and adjust your expectation as life goes on.
Your experience and training as an Accountant and auditor could be a hindrance to your relationship. The earlier, you know and accept it will be better for the relationship. Your demand for transparency and accountability will put a strain on your man. In personal relationship, there has to be a little secret or some skeleton in the closet unlike the Corporates you have working with which you have demanded an answer for all your questionnaires. Some personal questions could ended up in unclear terms or slightly blur and at times, you have to let it go. Do not demand for an accountability for every penny or cents. There are expenditures which it is better not to know and leave it as sundries or classified as "others". Use your judgement wisely and give a big tolerance to materiality, Not 5% but as much as 30% . Never query the sensitive items like monthly expenditure for your mother or father in law. Even in cases for sisters and brothers. Some family is very closely knitted and you must give space and face to you man. Space for him to grow and live freely and face for him to face his family members.
For me, I am really worry that your basic education background and your training will stand in the way of a happy relationship. Old habits die hard and sometimes, your personal intuitions take over your logic. Like the head leads the heart. Remember, it should be the heart leads the head. A warm heart and a cool head. Always check your response three times before saying it out. Once the words leave your mouth , it can never be taken back. There is a Chinese saying " Trouble comes out from our mouth and sickness comes in through our mouth", Think thrice before you act.
Sorry, having to say so many times in the best day of your life. I wish you all the best and hope your have an everlasting love or " white hair together till the end".
All the best from Bangladesh.
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