I am emotionally tired …but yet not tired.

The words just came into my mind. Emotionally tired ?  Is there such a term ? I do not know whether it is the correct term. I feel tired but I am not physically tired. Yeah, something like mental tiredness. A burn-out feeling but actually, not burned out. Just like on a suspended string and a hanging feeling.

I have been in this stage for sometime now.  I do not know the answer but maybe, every night seeing my father-in-law suffering in pain. This sight could have been eating me up, little by little without me knowing until the tipping point.  Yes, like the frog in a pot of boiling water until they are cooked alive. As the water heat up, the frog gets more and more comfortable with the boiling water until it gets cook finally without realizing it.  This maybe the case and it is very dangerous.

As I got stressed up, the distractions or some imperfection seems more serious than in normal times. The emotional strike back is getting more and more difficult to control and it starts will some outburst of anger and it will gradually intensify. If I do not stop it , it will blow my mind.

It seems funny when I start to realize the stress it building up, I know it and feel it but I cannot control it.  After each outburst, I felt sorry for the people I have hurt or for myself. How many nights more can I continue to see my father-in-law in pain ? There must be a way out.  I can see the strain in my wife’s face but she is still managing well but for me, I could feel the stress building up like a balloon. I need to break free and release the pressure in me. Yes, exercise is the best way but the body is finding the excuse to avoid it. I should focus and do away with the distractions and also persuade my wife to do more exercise.  Yes, my wife is torn between two lovers , one is time and another is her father. All of us should learn how to dance in the rain and live with adversity.

If worries can cure your pain, by all means keep worrying , otherwise, we should not let it control us. Live and live well, eat and eat well , otherwise, it is not worth living.

Namaste.