Day after day....

White rose is for longivity and good health ...

 

Watching my FIL fading into a sickly figure makes me speechless and lifeless. Contemplating a lot lately while sitting next to him. Our eyes sometimes caught each other and I could see the sadness in his eyes. His sickness have make him very thin and skinny, far apart from his healthy look , six months ago before detecting his sickness.

It is so scary to see how his health has deteriorated and the pain he has been going through. This morning the Doctor change his injection routine and he slip into pain again. Buddha is right. Sickness and old age is a path we have to go through.  For the past few days, I could see that he is resting and sleeping whenever I drop into the hospital to visit him. Sedated and illusion as he lies in his bed. The thought of facing death must be stirring him and frightening him and day in day out, time just slip from his hand.

I remember before my MIL , Maggie passed away. She told me that one of the night, the cow-face and horse-face messenger of death visited her and she was not scare of them. These messengers of death is a Taoist belief  that they have come to pull the soul from the body and bring it to hell when the dead will be judged.  I do not know whether it is true or not as there have been such talks going around. But, strangely she has embraced Christianity before this encounter and in the religion, there  is no such messengers of death except beautiful angels. Well, it must be her upbringings and past beliefs which have played tricks on her.

My FIL is part Buddhist and Taoist. This is a common mix for Chinese. Taoist have a lot of deities and Buddha is one of them , sitting high up in the hierarchy of the religious organization. I do not know what is going through is mind but I believe he must learn to let go. It is very easy to tell people to let go but it is never easy to do it. After all the hard work of  getting all the good things in life including money and property , we want to enjoy our achievements as long as we can. This is the investors’ attitude that we squeeze as much as possible from what we have.  There is no such things as getting enough. This is the reason we cannot let go easily. If we get things easy , then perhaps giving it up can also be easy as we do not appreciate easy money.

Yes, life have to go now for the moment . Day after day as I grow older and my FIL is getting weaker by the day. I am afraid that the final day will come and it will be time to say goodbye.

Namaste.