Five regrets of the dying ....extracts

FOR many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would have done differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

his was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it’s easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and knew that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many had not been breadwinners.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often patients would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called “comfort” of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. –

BRONNIE WARE

Time will solve all problems

I watch the "Millionaire Singer" programme this evening. This is a Taiwanese singing program whereby the singer needs to remember the lyrics of a song before he can proceed to the next round which awards a bigger reward. This  program was suppose to be an entertainment slot but for this evening's program was a bit different.

One of the contestant was a duo sister act which was invited  to participate in the program. As the Host interviewed both of them, it turns out that both were not real sisters and they have stop singing together for more than 11 years and both hardly talk to each other despite the fact both of them have performed together for more than 6 years and they won some song awards together. It was reviewed that they quarrel because of their families' problem.  One of the Singer took out an award which they have won many years ago to give to the other singer and she also present a  greeting  card to express her feeling and apologized for all the hurts she has caused in the past. Both of them broke down and cried uncontrollably. It was really a touching and inspiring scene.

The above is a lesson. It is our choice to forgive and forget and to reach out to our friends.  It does matter who is right or wrong, Open your heart and release all the pent up feelings , let all the hurts go  and reach out for your friends. A lot of us have re-acted in the same way and some people choose to keep the hurts in their heart until they die and some waited for years before letting go and reach out again.

However, I feel that " Time will solve all problems" is a very passive action.  Like the example above, it took them 11 years to review their feelings . The opportunity was also due to the Host , who have been kind enough to arrange for such re-union of the two singers. Why should we let time control our life and feelings ? The choice  to act now or later is ours and it is all within us to decide when we can exercise our options.  So, the latest slogan is "do it now" or " just do it". Don't let time be our master.

The art of letting go can be learned through awareness and our understanding of our self. The realization of letting go is within us and don't rely on time to dull our hurting feelings as the power to forgive, forget  and move forward is in our hands.

Loving kindness.

Nichiren Buddhism Chanting Music by Alan Smallwood Song 6

Life is a big circle (2)

In his enlightenment, Buddha have taught us that the circle of birth - old age-sickness-death cannot be avoided by any being. The length of each existence on this earth is up to each individuals enlightenment.

Billions of people have evolved before us and billions will also evolved after us , the circle will never be broken.  Attempts by scientist to find a formula for longevity have never ceased since ancient times. The search to use stem cells , herbs and medicine to cure all illness will continue to progress and it could be a futile exercise.

To have a meaningful life on this earth is not only to live long but also to live meaningfully and with a purpose. Since ancient times, there is a saying that without death, where is life. This meaning is not about evolution or re-birth and if one can live forever without death, then will  life become more meaningful. Where is the need to do anything else except to live in routines or in circles.  So, it is not a case of  " much is good but little is much". Anything in excess is meaningless and a waste.

We have been arguing on this matter of which is more meaningful  " eat to live , or live to eat ". Some people live to eat and enjoy themselves but some just prefer simple food to live. This priority varies in different people and their search for a fulfillment.

Another aspect is some people wants a long life but to others, it is not a matter of how long but how well we want to live. Again, this is up to each individual's priority in life. In order to live longer, it is often a need to live within a box or a tight circle, with clean habits, healthy good  and discipline life. And for people choosing to live well, they often go out of their box or circle to explore and take the necessary risk in the search of their favorite exercise , food or adventure.  This formula may not hold true for some individuals as there are variations.

Nevertheless, the path of life and death will never change. All of us will have our own quest in life and to search of our purpose in this life. Again, doing nothing is doing something and this could mean live within our own box of comfort and live through life in the simplest way. After all, the end is the same for all of us.

This is our individual choice but the self fulfillment and actualization of our dreams will depend on our own spiritual advancement and achievements.  So, follow your heart and your mind.

Namaste.

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