Recently, I heard the song, “Help me make it through the night”. This is an old song and I used to sing it during my college days and it brings back good and bad memories. The bad memories are sleepless nights when I have my exams. It was like cold turkey treatment , with my eyes staring at the ceiling all alone. Lying on my bed with my eyes wondering and my whole body burning up coming from my roaming eyes. Wow ! If only I have a partner to talk to and release my stress.
So, singing this song brings out my feeling of loneliness and frighten feelings. So, scare and my wondering mind going in circles , switching from one thoughts to another . Feeling uncomfortable but do not want to take any medication to ease the pain. It is so desperate to get my eyes to relax and sleep. The sleepless nights affect my performance the next day especially it was exam time.
At that age, no time for romance and my focus was only in my study. No time and space for girls and just going through my study day and night. Sound so desperate. Yeah, some people told me that if I get my degree then I will be free. Finally, I got my degree but I am still not free until now.
It is a matter of choice. Whether I want to continue working or not. It was my choice and I am so scare to face it. Whether it is right or wrong , life have to go on. I am in a comfortable routine despite all the work pressure and peer pressure and shall I break away and retire. Some people told me that retiring is a bad choice because our mind will stagnant and we will die faster. Retiring means death and it really scare me. Is it really so ? I can pursue my other interest or start a new chapter in life. Going away from the comfortable routine can be so uncertain ? I really don’t know and I am facing this dilemma very day.
To all those people, who have retired before me, what say you ?
Namaste.
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