People who is stricken with serious illness is fearful and uncertain. I have seen my MIL suffered in silence after she was diagnosed with the big C. She would sit near the window and stare far ahead into the ocean and yet what she is looking at is a blank. Looking but yet not seeing. She was deep in thoughts and still struggling with what had happen. Her face motionless and her eyes narrowed as if adjusting her long vision focus. She suddenly burst out " why it had to happen to me ? I have not done anything wrong or evilish? " . I was speechless and do not know how to answer her and just keep quiet, sitting next to her and also staring into the open space, without anything in focus. She has passed away almost 8 years now.
Now, seeing my FIL going through the same journey. It was almost fearful and hurting. The memories of my MIL came floating back into my mind and the events leading to her passing surfaced again. The enormous mental pain and stress and upteem time of self questioning routine, thousands of thoughts floating through the mind , switch on and switch off , draining the energy from their body and mind. Well, from outside looking in, it is easy. Just shut our mind and don't think about it. How to do it if you have not been trained to still your mind and not re-acting to your thought Even experienced meditators also finds it difficult to manage when they are under stress. Not an easy task.
Words of wisdom can be easily said but the patient will be struggling to understand it when they are confused and agitated. Pain can be disturbing and uncomfortable especially when you are faced with sharp pains and without any pain killers . A small movement could be like a ton of metal clashing down on you or a sharp knife piecing your flesh or a good tooth been pulled out from your gum raw. Sometimes, even a strong man will weep. If it is just pain, it maybe manageable to certain extent but coupled with the mental torture arising from fear even GOD will cry. Fear will intensify the pain and vice versa , pain will bear fear. The more painful the feeling , the more fearful one will become.
In such circumstance, we have to tackle the fear first by acknowledging it and not re-acting to it. We cannot do anything about the situation , so why we need to fear. If we get rid of one enemy, the other enemy will be weaken and it will be more manageable. This is the only logical way to break up the pair and play singles with the remaining one. We become more focus.
It is easy said than done but no harm trying as it will not get any worse. Conquering the body and mind needs a lot of practice , patience and wisdom. If you are prepared , it will serve you well but if do not have any experience, you should take the first step. In times of fear, spirituality can help. Chanting the heart sutra and mantra will help to take the focus from the pain. The more focus you put on the pain, the stronger it will become. If you pay less attention, it will not be so arrogant and fearful. Giving pain attention is like giving water to a plant, it will get stronger ,bigger and will hurt you more.
For those who have accept fate and knowing we cannot change fate, they will be more capable to handle fear and pain.
Namaste.
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