Anger - my demon

 Today is the last year for the year 2012.  I came into office with a heavy heart as the year 2012 will be gone soon.  I was trying to hold on to it but there is only a feeling of despair.  How can we hold on to time ?

This was a futile quest but I was not letting things go.  One supplier keep calling to enquire on her payment and I was very upset due to her persistent quest for her money.  I could feel my anger rising and I was fully aware of it as my mood start to deteriorate. I scolded the vendor for calling up on the last day of the year to request for payment becuase there is not much time left in 2012. 

Another irritating thing happen as my staff came in to see me with an unclear problem. She was confused of what she is talking and I was desperate for time as I wanted to clear all my outstanding reports and work for the year.  I raised my voice a little and I am aware of the surging anger in me.

Then, a phone call came and I was requested to sign a dozens of documents and I was make to sit and sign off all the documents.  This job again eat into my time and I was getting more and more desperate. 

I do not know why I am so desperate.  Why am I rushing and pushing myself ?  Why cann't  I leave the jobs pending until next year ? It is only another 24 hours to go.  Am I snapping ?  I was worried that I could get stressed out or hurt my health. I need a break to calm and slow down.

I pick up my phone and called my second sister, C and check on her health and I was happy that she was getting better and she starts to regain her voice and strength.  To celebrate the year's closing today, I suggested to her that we have a new year eve gathering and she agreed to cook for all of us.  It was a good ending until this moment.

I realised that a break or a short diversion can change a person's mood and it is up to use to exercise this option. If I were to press on with my work , I will get more and more desperate and unhappy and finally, I could blow my top.  I know this trick of breaking my stress but many a times, we cannot break out of this mood or desperation.  Hence, we just have to do it. 

Namaste.