A tired and restless heart

Today, I attended a court case and have to sit through a three hours ordeal .  It is quite strange to note that the lawyers in attendance have to switch between English and Bahasa  Malaysia when they presented their case in court.  Yes, it is quite strange but for foreigners, it will be absolutely shocking.  This is one of the greatness of Malaysia.

But, this is not the point.  The point is that I was tired and restless after the three hours ordeal.  Tiredness sets in and perhap,  it is due to strenuously sitting for three hours and trying to follow the case. Never mind, a sense of tiredness came into my mind and body system and I felt weak overall.  It might be because of AGE.

The tiredness brings restlessness. What am I trying to justify ? Life is only a matter of a few 10 years or 10 of 10 years to the maximum. What am I trying to prove ?

Days shift into weeks and weeks into months and months into years.  Time stops for no one and is that what I want to do for the rest of my life ? What is exactly what I want ? Any desire to do the things I want to do ? What are these things ? My mind cannot think of any when I search my heart ? Well, if  nothing then it does not matters , what I am doing now.  What is the difference do something and not doing anything if there is no unfulfilled task on hand.

In my younger days,  I could stay up until 4 am and the next day, I could go to work at 8am and I feel normal but nowadays, at 10pm at night, I would be yawning and my eyes gets so heavy that trying to keep it open draws tears to my eyes.  At times, it is an automatic shutdown.

Most of the time, the sleep is sound and I feel refreshed the next morning but after a hectic first few hours, the strain seeps in and my whole body system will be corrupted and tiredness will set in and bring along the restlessness. It is like "empat sekawan".   This old sitcom series tell us of four friends who will appear together everytime and is unseparable. One come, four will come together.  Just like Tiredness and restlessness.

Yes, the sight of old age is obvious and I cannot deny it.  I cannot only become aware of it  and it is not enough.  I must accept it and engage with it and to see whether I could be revived myself for a few more years and enjoy a few more years of good working life.  Have to burn the candle brigther before the candles burns out.

Namaste.