I woke up very early this morning disturbed by the howling cry of a sick dog. It crying have been for the past three days and nights and I have written a mail to the Penang SPCA, a centre to handle cruelty to animals. I told myself I have to take action as the howling cry is suffering by another living being. I am wondering why people can be so cruel and hurtful. I am more surprise because the crying sound came for an illegal Indian temple in my vicinity. How can religious people caused suffering to living beings? I wonder how strange people can be.
My focus continued to shift to the howling sick dog as I recite the dharma " loving kindness to all living beings". I search for the peace internally as I swith my focus to the silent space inside me but my focus continued to shift back to the attention of the dog. Suddenly, I remembered the teaching of a great Buddhist monk which taught us that we have a choice. The howling cry disturb us because we focus on it and there is a choice but you chose to focus on it. The great monk told us a story to illustrate his point. One day, a novice monk was meditating and a church bell in the distance start to ring and he was disturbed by the sound of the bell and could not meditate. So, he ran to his Master and complaint about the ring bell. The Master told the novice monk, the problem is you and not the bell. You have chosen to focus on the ringing of the bell, so it is you who disturb yourself and not the bell. Well said and this is a result of our uncontrolled mind.
Sleep was peaceful but after waking up, my mind start to wonder and thoughts start to come to my head. Maybe, I could have slept too early last night after a long talk with my sister, Jo. I had a misunderstanding with my 2nd sister, Chee. It was out of my outspoken talk about my displeasure with the way she pamper my niece. It was actually non of my business but I wanted to be hero and expressed my opinion on the selfish act of my highly educated niece but do not know simple human ethics and compassion. It started with my simple expression of my dislike and the reaction from my sister was fiece and unpleasant. I did not expect to be blown in the fact with such intensity but it did. I could have hurt a sore point or my sister's ego. Gracefuly , I retreated from the arguement and get out of her sightn to avoid further blows from her. It was a wise move but I was upset. Upset at the unpleasantness and I was trying control my emotions and cut out the negative thoughts in my head.
Well, it has been two days now and I have been controlling the negative thoughts in my head. It is not about getting back at her but to try to tell her that she have over-acted to the situation and spoilt our perfect relationship with each other. It is a fight against our ego to try to speak to her after the verbal warfare. This experience is another test of my understanding of the dharma and make me understand the fragility of a relationship. If we do not build the foundation of a high rise building properly, the building will collapse easily. Every strong relationship needs a strong base and that base should be sincere and without taking advantage of each another. Otherwise, if the benefits is gone, the relationship will collapse.
It is sad that I cannot make myself to be humble and start the conversation with my sister despite I have read so many great books on Buddhism. I know I have to control myself instead of letting my emotions or self rules me. There is abit of revengeful intention as everyone wants justice. An eye for an eye and finally, we will both blind. Yes, the hurting is mutual and it is a test on both parties' understanding and practice of the dharma. It is better to pull out the torns fast and make a reconciliation which otherwise, will be hurting both parties for the wrong reasons.
I understand the situation well and it will need the extra effort for me to take the first step. It was to be taken fast and it does not matter who is right or wrong. It is the best solution for both parties. The fight within myself internally is a fiece struggle against my ego and I have to break it with a karate chop and kick it into pieces. I have to be myself again.
Lets learn something from my experience.
Namaste.
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