A restless heart

For the whole morning, my heart have been restless after my daughter told me that she is staying over night with her friend. It has been my wife and my house rules that we will not allow her to break this rule.  We objected to her request and this starts off a series of horse trading as she told us that we do not trust her. At over 18 years old, she already have her individual rights to decide for herself.  Yes, she could be right but we still have the right to guide her as long as she is not financially independent. When the tussles gets ugly, we should keep our cool heart to negotiate and strike a compromise. A give and take approach should be adopted. Until a compromise is strike , all of us is stressed up and that is the reason for the restlessness.

In life and having a family, everyone have their own understanding , wisdom  and experience. All of us see things differently or behave differently in the same situation. Human re-action is unpredictable and varied. If we keep our view strictly and remain stubborn in our approach or stand, the outcome will be a lot of hurts and anger. How to compromise before everyone feels that they have won or win some lost grounds and save their face ? This is a very delicate and difficult skill to get a  win-win result to let all the parties walk away feeling that they have won. To achieve this result, everyone have to loosen up and prepare to see the views of the other party and it will take a lot of trust and honesty in the dealings. If this is a family matter, we have to emphasize the love and be patient to explain our stand . True love and care will make us more understanding and more compromising.

Well, whichever way the outcome, the show will need to go on and  probably, after some hurts, it is important for us to forgive and move on. We should never hold up our feelings and repeat it in the future when the occasion occurs.  Using the previous compromises for future negotiations or compromise is bad taste. Whatever is past , let it be in the past. It is unfair to use all the previous comprises to bargain or to enforced our stand.

It is easy to say but doing it takes a lot of courage and discipline. But , most importantly, use love and loving kindness and compassion to see , to understand and to let go to compromise.

Om Shanti.