My hot temper brother - insight.

I have a problem with my 2^nd brother ,W.  He is so hot tempered and his anger got the better of him if we happen to hurt his ego or his pride.  He will retaliate and will say all the hurtful things to defend his pride or ego.   He has an controllable rage.

Before or after his heart by-pass , his basic character have not changed.  He fought with my eldest brother-in-law  and he fought with me verbally.  I have been doing my best by advising him to get a job or start a business instead of  sleeping the whole day in the house after his by-pass.  I have been trying to convince myself that he is going through trauma after his by-pass. But , it has been months and he choose to do nothing.  

Of course, it is non of my business as he is a master of own life but I could see that he is getting more sloppy , tired and wasteful.  He became a burden to my 2^nd sister  especially needing her to feed him  and the rest of the people in the house.  

My mis-understanding with him was only a trivial matter and it was over the renovation of my ancestor’s home  toilet .  The toilet was a squatting type and because of my sister’s stroke, we have to install a sitting type  and I was given the job to do it.  There were so many opinion my sisters and nephew  and finally, they let me handle it the way I see best. So, on Saturday, I call my regular contractor to start work but just when we were discussing renovation , my 2^nd brother bulged in and asked me to consider his opinion. As I was in a hurry , I brushed him aside and asked him to handle the matter myself.   I think I have hurt his big ego and he was upset with me for not giving him face in front of the contractors.

When I say “face” means his ego.  Why is ego so big and make him upset with me ?  After all , I have been the one helping him and looking after him.  He re-acted like a wounded lion and want me to tear me apart .  Why ? Over just one toilet.  It is incredible how people can re-act including saying the things so hurtful and damaging.  It is like cutting the relationship or you die or I die option.  How foolish can  people be ?  I have learned something and it is an insight “  never expect any thing for the help you give out” , otherwise, it can be hurting.  In this case, it is not just nothing, but hate and hurt and it has gone to the reverse side.

So , when you talk to an uncontrollable person,  you will either have to walk away or let the mad man talk until he runs out of work.  The best is to remain quiet and relax.

We have to acknowledge that he is a mad man and we better not argue with him. It will hurt you meaninglessly.

Namaste.