Lost in the woods

I have been having a "lost feeling " for the past few weeks after the incident of my sister critically hurting herself from a fall.  It is this feeling of emptiness and fear that is pledging me and makes me losing the focus and joy in my life.  The recent CNY was just like normal days , filled with worries and flatness. Nothing exciting like in the previous years.  It came and gone in a flash.

What is happening to me ? I see the fragility in life.  Like I say before the table which have been using for years just broke apart.  It has been there and is expected to be there but it just broke apart.  This draws me to the feeling of impermanence. Things are not there forever as we see it , it will breakdown  and it will change through time.  However, during our living, we are not aware of it and we have no time to realize that it is changing. When this happen without the  consciousness that it is changing and may fall apart one day, this happening woke us up to reality and its drama pushed us back to reality of life. Wei, we will die one day, don't think you can live forever.

This sudden awareness will wake up up and before we can steady ourselves , it unbalanced us and make us blur in our vision and we start re-focus our direction to gain another firm step forward. It is as if we fall down, we pick our self up and we want to re-gain our balance and to continue our journey forward.  It is a period of confusion.

It also have make me realize and at the same time, it breaks my confident to walk another step forward unless I have regain my balance to move another step.. Yes, the fear of another fall or another mis-step , we become "ball-less" for the meantime.

We have to fight the fear and to regain our composure and our confidence to make another step.  We have to move on.

Namaste.