It is raining in my heart

As time flies, it is raining  in my heart.  Every morning when I woke up, I have a very familiar feeling. Yeah, start off another day.  When the light clear the darkness, more senses came to my mind.  Change my clothes, eat my breakfast  and step on my car’s accelerator and off to work.  It seems so routine and repetitious. The mind is still in a resting mood.

This feeling scare the hell out of me.  It is just another day  and I have to go through it again. Yes, I can change the stage of my mind and look at the brighter things to come.  Again, it is repetitious. 

I cannot shake off this  feelings and I long for sometime different.  During the trip to my office, my wife will be reading her newspaper while I could drive to work without thinking or blinking my eyes. It had became so automatic as I drove in dullness.

When at work, I had to complete the task on hand and make sure all the issues  worked out well.  In between work, my blood pressure will increase and I could feel the heat on my face when pressed for time and response from other people.  It is really like draining  all the water from my body.  It has a hard press feeling.

Yeah, I am searching for something special , ie out of the routine to spice up my life.   I need to move out of my box and to try something interesting.   It is a dangerous trend  and it is defying all complacency in me.  I have to move  and move out to break the routine and stillness.

Why is this happening to me ? The internal forces in me is moving in contradictory directions and making me very restless.  I lost my focus. Is this the sign of a burn out or overwork.  It is just like eating white congee everyday  and the taste have becoming flat.  I need a different taste to break the monotonous feeling.  A spice to break from the routine. 

I know this feeling is very dangerous and could be self defeating.  But, the feeling is getting stronger and stronger inside me.  I must pacify and satisfy myself that I have spent my time well and hope to unite all the inside forces to travel in the same direction.  The feeling that time is getting shorter and shorter by the day and are there anything which we want to do ?  We better do it now.

Life is so pressurized and time is so limited.  We have to find a balance and we better do it while there is still light.  We have to search persistently inside us.

Namaste.