Today, one of my staff told me that she had failed to control her stubborness and the feeling is running all over her and making her more and more upset. So, what is this stubborness ? It is a basic character which we are born with or we have acquire this character as we grow up from the influence 9f our family members or peers or friends or from books or movies. Everybody is born with good nature although it is unequal. Some person is born as a lesser child but the basic human nature is good.
I have written alot about mental habits and i think stubborness is one of the mental habits we acquire on our journey of life from birth. It could have been the burt or experience we have suffer as a child or the betrayal of love as we grow up. Stubborness could be a mental protective tools and that is to get what we want by all means. If we do not get the things we want or the events do not go the way we want, our stubborn emotions will take over from us and we lost control of ourself including our feelings. It is not the real us. We have lost control of ourself to our feelings. After the event, if we analyst the events, we feel remorseful or sad. Things could have been better or happier if we have taken control of ourself rather than let our feeling overtake us and make us do the things which we do not want to do or say. To make us feel better, we blame it on our stubborness which can sometimes make us feel better. We push away the responsibility of our actions. "It is not me that is doing the things or saying the words. it is just my stubborness and I have no control over it". This is the wrong interpretation. The stubborness is us and we are the stubborness. There is only one, only us. Period.
We are aware of our stubborness and we let it control us. So, it is our responsibiiity. We should break the grip of this mental habit on us. We are the master of ourself and if we are aware of our mental habit, we can break it and control. If we are aware of the swelling of this feeling in us, we should stop it and take over immediately to response. To be the real you and do the things we actually want. From the trigger to action, we can change the course and do the right thing.
I have told this story before in my article. There was this monk who blame the church bell from interrupting his meditation. He could not concentrate and so, he complain to this master. His master asked him why he has to focus on the ringing of the bell? The choice to belongs to the him and he has felt disturb because he has chosen to focus on the sound of the bell. In another example, if we are walking on a one way street and if we choose to walk against the traffic, it is our choice.Why do we choose to walk against the traffic.
In the same rationale, why do we choose to listen to the bell and feeling disturbed. To be aware of the stubborness is a great part of overcoming the mental habits but to find out the source of the stubborness could put a nail to the problem. We can choose meditation to go back to our childhood and earlier years and trace the sequence of events which firms up our stubbroness. It could be the denial of the things we want or the hurts people caused us to lose something or events of wrong judgements by other people. There could be a whole lot of reasons but we have to firmly go through the different stages of life to find out the root cause. Life is too short to be unhappy and angry.
Anger as I have said before, it is like picking up a burning charcoal and throwing it against the things we hate or angry about. It will first burn you and cause you much pain and if you bit another person, he will also be burn. In the end, both person is burn and hurt.
If we are aware of this wisdom, you must be aware of the trigger which stir the anger and move your focus away from the trigger points. Do not focus on the imperfection or the things that stir up your anger. Again, i want to emphasize that all of us have our loved ones and want to be loved. Just feel the love and in return, give out love to the people who needs it.
Just reach out to touch the heart of someone everyday. Namaste.
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