When all options are gone

When all options are done

When life comes to a dead end, what  have left is hope and wait for its end. What else can be done.

I have heard about people taking life into their own hand instead of having to endure the sufferings and live on hope. It takes a lot of guts to end one's life and a normal way is to live on with hope. Whichever option we choose , there is nothing wrong with it.

For those who wish to have their ashes thrown into the sea after their death is also very brave because most people would want their existence to remain forever and left their marks on this earth. 

For me, these actions is a personal wish and is also a personal choice. 

When a person is dying and he or she knows that the end is near , it is time to look towards God and learn to let go. Letting go of our life , also took a lot of courage. Everyone of us want to live our life as long as possible and cling on to life with all the hope we have. This is normal human behavior.

Waiting to die is a challenging task and living everyday with the suspense of when the end will come is really stressful and painful.

Namaste

Our past

Very often , our past catch up with us. whether it had been a good or bad story. Sinful or glorious.  Our past bcome much of a burden as we struggle through life . As my teacher , Ajahn Brahm remind us to live in the present and leaving one bag of our past and one bag of the future behind us which will free us to be in the " present".

Why have our bag for the past is so difficult to let go ? It is the memory , the experience and the sentiments which was brought forward by our mind. All these film scripts can be replayed many times and at anytime if our mind is not discipline or when we lapse in our focus or concentrations.

Sometimes, our mind down played our sins or make justification for been bad to self excuse us from the bad things that we have done.  Often an act have good and bad intentions and we intend to justify our sins and glorify our merits. This is the ego in us that is playing the trick. Any actions to protect or safeguard us is deemed to be good even if it is bad for other people even if it is a sinful act.  This is the self justificating mechanism in us. We can do no wrong and by nature, we are a self protecting creature. This is our instinct.

In our past, there are so many rights or wrongs in our undertaking and it is the past and we should let it go. But, the bodily mechanism cannot undo the act or let go of it. We can only make our past smaller or bigger or let it float in the surface or keep deep in our memory. If our mind is discipline , we can make it smaller and smaller or keep it deeper and deeper. We cannot totally eradicate it and it is just like the crack in the mirror , it cannot heal together as if there is no happenings.

This bodily function to hold on or to let go is a very mysterous function and it is control totally by our mind. There is a wise saying that nobody can hurt us if we do not want to be hurt by an act or incident because it is entitely our power to decide whether we are happy or not. Nobody can make us happey or sad  and it is entitely dependent on us. Like letting go the past , it is in the power of the mind.

But to be honest to ourself , we have to be frank in looking into every sinful act that we have done ie those act that has hurt others. Sometimes, we do not know of its existence and unknowingly, we did those acts that hurt others. That is why people said that some people have " bad characters". Who will want to do sinful things but the in built mechanism  of everyone is for themselves and that is why it often it happens to be hurting others.

Life is complicated but if we are aware of our past and let it be what it have been and let it go.

Namaste.

The depth of my tiredness

Last weekend was a day of sleep for me.  I sleep on Saturday morning after my yoga session and I sleep early saturday night and wake up late on Sunday morning. I continue to sleep after breakfast and lunch until the evening of Sunday and again , I slept early on Sunday night and wake up late on Monday morning.  What I did was an hour of Yoga and the rest of the time is eat, sleep , eat and sleep.  I do not know why but my body is telling me to sleep.  The more I sleep, the more tired I am and as if my days of rest for the past week have not been enough and it is catch up time.

Last week, I was on a four days trip to Bangladesh and both trip to and flo was on a night flight. I tried to sleep during the flight but it seems not enough. Lucky thing is that my body was able to tell me that I need sleep and I was able to sleep. I was feeling abit  drowsy after some much of sleep.  I feel good as I recovered or still recoving.

On the negative note, am I over sleeping or wasting my days to do what I want ? The days and weeks passes by as I struggle between work, sleep and yoga  including eating my meals. This routine have been going on for years but I am getting more aware of it as I aged. Maybe , it is because of my living  days are getting shorter as I drift into my twilight years.

As days goes by, more and more people is passing away including the dogs which I am familiar with. I heard one of my Japanese friend who lying in the hospital after suffering a mild heart attack has his heart stopped twice for 2 seconds or more. Now he needs a pace maker to regulate his heart.  He has his medical check a few weeks ago and it was in fine order as his main arteries was certified clear of blockage but it was the small arteries which give him this mild attack due to blockage.  It was a unpredictible attack. Life is like this uncertain and some times it is full of jokes.

My teacher Ajahn brahm said that in life it is all about experience and at the end of the day, we learn from these experiences . Good, bad or ugly, we learn from the experiences and get some awareness out of it.

My tiredness lingers on and I hope I can pull myself out of this tiredness and live my life well.

Namaste.

The death of an old dog

The life of a dog is normally 10 years and sometimes, it is earlier  due to the different sickness and accidents.  It is just like humans which have a life span of an average of 70 to 80 years or earlier if there are sickness.  This is the evolution of nature.

Yeah, there is a German Sheperd dog called Easter and she was breed and taken care by my SIL since young . My SIL is lying in the hospital sick with a big 'C".  The dog died a few days ago while my SIL in hospital.  This information was not given to her to avoid her feeling sad and is no help to her sickness.

She has two dogs and one dog had died earlier due to a weak heart and now , this big dog died in old age. Does this mean anything ? There is a belief that these dogs have taken the sin from the master and endue their sufferings.  Hopefully this is right  and can relieve the suffering of the owner.

In Buddhism , there is the law of karma . It is " what you reap " for what you sow . The plus and minus can cancelled each one out.  A big plus will cancel off many small minus or a small plus cancel off one small minus. This debit and credit of the sins and merits is done in our life time. If there is alot of minus,  these minus will be carried into your next life and you have to keep repaying until , there is more plus than minus and you advance in a higher realm and you evolve through many  life times to achieve enlightenment. But , there is a counter argument . How come, the population of the world increased so much if this is only on a replacement mechanism ? The population should be keep constant. This question is a very difficult question to answer as the light force from the universe keep multiply with two light force which the source of life multiplying into two, three or four  or more when the two light force combine and split. How true it is with this theory is unanswerable but remained just a theory.

What we know is that the natural disasters in the world is keep happening to check the balance of the population or prevent a runaway train and let the population explore. Human being's action of war or conflict is also a means to keep track of the growth in popultion. How is doing this balancing act ? The Universe or God ? Which God ? There is no answer to this question.

In actual fact, there is a hidden hand who is doing all these perfecting act and it is remaining a guess.
Let the speck of life concentrate on the small things  while leave the bigger things to the hidden hands in our life.

Namaste.

Frustrating moments

Frustrating moments

On my return trip from Bangla, I entered some frustrating incidences.

I stop by a hotel to rest and took a fresh orange juice and the bill came up to 950 Taka and it is converted to US$12 . Back home in Makaydis , it is only US$2 . I can have a good dinner in my country if I soend US$12. It is a country where a cuppa is cheaper than a orange juice.

At the entrance to the airport, there was a huge crowd blocking the gate and I asked the local staff what is happening . He told me that it is a custom in their country that if one person flies  overseas , there will be 12 persons accompany him to see him off. Well, it must be a passionate country.

Coming to the gate to the airport proper, again many family members will gather around to block the entrance. Some of them shouting across each other as if unseparatable.

OMG.

Going into the check in counter, I could not find the counter and the guy fro. Emirates air told me that there is no fixed counter and it is a first come first serve and he makes me walk the whole length of the passage way to look for my airline. It is back to Stone Age . What the $^%%€£¥¥.

I am still waiting for the change of counters and waiting patiently. It is totally rubbish.

Namaste

Stalled in time

Stalled in time

Sitting in Le Meridien hotel in Dhaka waiting for my flight home. Have to wait for a five hours transit time and I have to entertain myself or keep myself occupied.

So, I thought it is better to write out my frustrations I have encountered during the trip to this God foresaken place. 

I was in line to get out of the plane and an local Bangla guy asked me to give way but in front of me there are a lot of passengers waiting to get after the plane have landed . I asked him what the rush and he told me that his father who is sick wants to get out fast but the lane is clogged . I gave  way but after me he could not make any head ways. I thought this fellow must be a bull in a crowded street. Mindless and senseless. He should have requested for a wheel chair. Numb skull.

Another incident was another local fellow who keeps telling me that I have sat on a wrong seat in a local flight. I told him a few times that I have the correct seat. He looks at me as if I am an idiot until the flight stewardess told him off and he went to sit in his seat.

The third incident was this Chinaman fella who looks right and left and not moving from the aircraft passenger lane and block me from getting out of my seat. I want to tell him off but he looks like a "bull" in a China shop. Better not to start any conflict as I look away and behave myself and have to wait it out.

When we go on a journey , we have to take our time and be patient with the funny people around us. We have to bit our lips , hold our balls and wait it out.

Namaste

The big C is here again.

I was told that my SIL is in the emergency ward because of the big " C" and it shoke me to the core as I have faced the similar situation with my MIL and FIL before and it has been an ugly experience for me. The memories float back to me and I could also vividly remembered my BIL's death experience when he was at the end of his cancer treatment before he passes away.

My BIL passes away at 62 years old , three years ago and now my SIL is also almost the same age. It is really scary and I have been listening to Ajahn Brahm's lecture these few nights to study my mind and to learn the need to let go.

Last night, Ajahn Brahm's lecture was about living in the present. His teaching is about you holding two bags of goodies after shopping and one bag is named " Past" and the bag "future" , You have been carrying these two burdens now  and for a long time. To let go is to put down your past bag and your future bag and to live in the present. Why are you holding to your past and worry for your future and neglect the " present" moment ? Isn't that a silly joke and a stupid thing to do. Let go the past and stop worrying for the future and you have only is the present.

It is very easy to say but the ghost of the past will haunt us and the uncertain future will disturb and influence us and  divert us from the present if our mind is not firm and when we are not mindful and stay aware.  Being aware of our thoughts and be mindful of our body so that we can make ourself happy.  If we are mindful and aware of our emotions, we can arrest the emotions at its bud or take a different route to avoid any unhappy encounters or events.  If we are mindful of our body, we can be kind to it and to take the appropriate actions to take care of it.

Yeah, the thoughts are so difficult to avoid but not doing anything will only bring sufferings and if we do something like having kindness to yourself , we will be able to mitigate the extend of our unhappiness or sufferings.  Ultimately, everyone of us need to move on and while we are here, it is important to do whatever makes us happy.

Namaste.

Time and space

I have been taught that time and space is infinite and it means that there is a start and no end. It is a circle and will continue to be infinite.  There is no brick wall at the end or a stiff fall from the edge. It keeps evolving and revolving in a timeless and spacious infinity.

We have two space ie one is internal and one is external. For the external space is the space where we live. The house we stay in , the space of the field or roads and the whole neighbourhood or the county. In this external  space, we tend to put a lot of things in our space to confine us.  It is so illogical to occupy the external space with things that we do not need. What we need is more space, a simple bed to sleep and a simple chair to sit. But, most of the time , we put in our external space a lot of useless items just to use up our space. Why ? It is because of our greed and senseless greed for materiality. There are so much space for us if we are aware of the wasteful habit or greed.

We have big cars but only ferrying one person , we have big mansions but only staying in one single room and we have big beds, by slept by one person. The rest of the space is used so wastefully.  Lets be simple , K ?

For the inner space ie the space within yourself and outsider or the space between you and yourself. In this space, we often occupy the distance with hatred, anger, precularity, bad experince , ego and many other factors. We tend to distance ourself by increasing these factors in between the space.  If we remove such self imposed factors, we will have closer relationships  and we can see our truth self instead of obstructing our awareness and love with these self imposed obstacles.

In our daily life, we have conflicts , unhappy encounters and bad experiences and we tend to load these events into our space and distancing us from our ownself and others. The more of such incidents , the further away is our relationship with others and ourselves.

When you are in love initially, the space between two person is very close and harmonies but as the conflict in our daily life increase , the distance gets further awya and the sight becomes blur. These are all self imposed obstacles and to aware of these factors, we can throw away these obstacles just like the things in our external space. By doing so, our life becomes lighter and happier.

Namaste.

Life is uncertain

Life is uncertain 

There is a wise saying " life is unpredictable but death is certain". We have to learn to let go. 

In our human nature , greed or craving is very strong and keep push us to get more and be better than another person. Our ego is also very big and uncontrollable .

We want a bigger house, a bigger car , a lot of money and we want a big name for ourself but in the end it is nothing . Like a passing cloud , we are back to nothing in the end. We can see this ending but we want to blind ourself to it . Even when we are facing the end , we still cannot let go and we hold on to what we have to the end. It is so rediculous.

We have seen our elders or our peers going this way but we just follow them. We think this is the way and the only way. You die with a lot of wealth , a big house , a big car and whatever it is big.

There was an experiment where a group of people who moved circles and it finally becomes a routine despite when the leaders have dropped out.  It is a funny human nature to live in its comfort zone. When a happening is repeated many times , it becomes a routine and you feel in a comfort zone despite you are just moving in circles. Billions have passed this way through thousands of years and it cannot be wrong including dying with lots of possessions for their next generation so that they can care for them after death. A really silly thought. Are you still living after death? Illogical belief.

Like I say earlier , we can see what is coming but we don't to face or talk about it hoping the outcome could different . Another silly thoughts. 

So be aware and face whatever is coming and expect it and face the outcome . 

Namaste.

Ajahn Brahm - The old monk never lies.

It has been sometime since I last listen to Ajahn Brahm's talk and he remained as jovial and a joker as always.  The talk last night was his March 15 dharma talk in California , USA at the invitation of his pal, Jack , another old monk.

His talk last night was " the art of meditation " and it was feel with teachings to enlighten the listeners. There is basically three steps in meditation :

1) Not concentration but be humble and let go.
2) Kindfulness
3) Relax and accept whatever arises.

On the teaching of humbleness, the final result is to let go off everything instead of making the mind concentrate and go into a meditation. This way is wrong and to force the mind , it is pure torture and the correct way is to be humble and learn to let go.  By letting go, your hatred, thoughts , cravings and greek, etc, your mind will be crystal clear.  He quote an example of holding a glass in his hand and it will never be still as the muscles holding the glass is always moving and hence, the water in the glass is always vibrating. So, we have to let go and place the glass on to the table  and the water will settle down finally. It is as simple as that.  Learn to let go.  The mind is also compare to the leave on the tree and is always moving according to the environment and wind. When the wind stop, the leave will be perfectly still and the mind will be crystal clear and become peaceful and enlightening.

On kindfulness, it is to be kind to your body when you meditate.  No need to sit in a lotus position if it is hurting and you can adjust your posture until you are completely relax and happy.  Don't torture your body and keep moving or coming out of the meditation if you are uneasy and move back in when you are ready. Your meditation process will catch and you will back in meditation in no time.

On the relaxation needs, don't expect anything and accept whatever arises and don't force your mind to be still. It will find its own level and it will happen at its own time. Just relax and watch whatever come into your mind and don't act on it . Just watch it float by.

During his lecture, he tell a very interesting story.

There was a farmer who gave refuge to an old monk
The monk worked up a good relationship with the family
One day he want to leave the farmer and he told him how to get rich.
He told the farmer to shoot an arrow towards the sun in the next morning.
The farmer did what was told and shoot the arrow and it lands in a field
the field belongs to a lawyer , who claim damages but he told the lawyer what the old monk say.

The lawyer follow his advice and shoot an arrow next day towards the sun
The arrow landed on a field belongs to a army general.
The general was upset and the lawyer repeat the story of the old monk to the general.

Next day, the army general did the same thing what the old monk told the lawyer
The arrow landed on a field belongs to the King
The King was upset and wanted to kill the army general .
The general told the king about the old monk who never lies.

The King commanded the old monk to see him the next day.
When the monk saw the king, he told the king that the advise was wrongly followed
Instead of shooting the arrow towards the sun , he should only let go the arrow from the bow
The king tried it and the arrow fell infront of him.

The morale of the story is that the gold is now and present and not something in the distance.
Meditation will put your awareness of the present and live in the moment.

Namaste.

Lucky people, not aware of luck

This is a famous saying " lucky people, not aware that they lucky " and applicable to the people born with a silver spoon in their mouth.  They eat the best , wear the best and everything they wanted is available  and they take for granted that they are entitled to all these "lucky" things.

The luck is assumed to be always there as their wishes are always make available by monetary support. On the other hand, those " unlucky person' or the " have nots' have to struggle hard and live  hand to mouth.  Any stroke of luck , they thanked the God or " creator" for this additional welfare.

When we say "little is much or plentiful is waste ", there is a very serious meaning in it.  Those " always have" is often wasteful in their actions.  It ie because they have plentiful and often they cannot finished using it while those have little tend to appreciate whatever little they have. One small thing have different meanings or value to these two group of people.

Those have little to eat will chew more and those have plentiful will eat little and waste a lot. This is the mentality of the "haves" and the "have nots"

Namaste.

Imperfection

Not everything in our life is perfect and we  tolerate imperfection because every human being have weakness. If we expect perfection in everything , then it is our weakness not be aware of imperfections.

This morning, my staff called me and tell me that someone reverse into her car and it was damaged . She has to report to the police and give a statement. She believe that person who is in the wrong will not report to the police and henceforth , she cannot claim on her insurance.

Yeah, everyday when I commute to my factory, there are so many cars on the road, some observe the traveling rules and keep to their lane, some will just jam into your lane or suddenly switch lane. There are so many types of road users , the tame drivers riding very slowly and takin their own sweet time while others overtaking you with great speed or pushing you from behind and keeping close.  If you break , they will just bang into the back of your car.

There are also those motorbike riders , zooming in and out of the different lanes or some answering phone cars while driving their car or riding their bikes  unaware of the traffic behind or besides them. These zombies riding and driving at their break neck speed.

When  do an accident occurs ? it is simple when it runs out of control or a mismatch on the timing .  These are weakness and the imperfection of the drivers or riders .  We cannot help it , it is beyond our control and we can  only drive defensively and hope that everything is all right.

I remembered that I read a news a few days ago of an accident in KL.  Two bank officers were traveling to a semiar together and the car skidded on the road and overtune . Both female bank officers crawl out of their car .Another car stopped to help and was involved in another mnor accident. As the third car driver help the two female officer , another car came and bank into them and killing three of them instantly. It was raining and the road was wet. This illustrate the imperfection of the human beings, the road and the weather. When such imperfection occurs, some serious accident will occur.

If we stress ourself in believing everyone has to be perfect or be perfect , we are only stressing us up . So relax , enjoy whatever you are doing and live well.


Namaste.

Mong cha cha ( MC2) -blurry eyes

There are many " red indians" around who do not think well  or maybe they have not enough knowledge or wisdom to make a good judgement  which other people may feel that they are behaving like idiots.

In chinese, we called these people " Mong cha cha " or dreamy or blur eye and only see things in shadow and make judge based on these shadowy images

I was at the Pork Shop in Puchong , KL and they serve two types of pork  ie the white or the black pork which is related to the color of the pig ie white or black pig.  The owner told us that he rear these pigs in Johor and the black is more costly than the while pig because the supply is less. The difference between the white pig and black pig is because of its origin .  The same goes with the chickens ie white or black chicken. The tenderness of the pork is different.

The owner told us there is a third type of pig  ie the wild boar. It is a type of pig that runs everywhere knocking down every thing that stands in their way. This type of pig have no brain or brainless. This type of pig also illustrate people who creates trouble by not knowing what is their action . They are so "mong cha cha" and is easily instigate to shout and behave wildly on certain motivations.

These lowly shadowly figures deserve to be hang on the wall as targets for the dart throwers to hit all their parts that is painful.  These people should be get rid off and sent to siberia and do the hard work.

There are also opportunist who tap on any occasion to earn a fast buck or serve a purpose for money. In China, they could have been terminated and it is hope that such things to happen to them to cleanse the situation.

Namaste.